Shame
by Jamsey
Summary: Roxanna escaped the emotions jack gave her, she's got a kid now, and she's just over her feelings for Jack when he returns, wanted to be in her life again
1. Prologue One

16 years ago, I was living at a governor's house, though looking at me now, you wouldn't think that. I ran away from his house when I was but 18. I ran, to look for the one person who would make everything right.

I ran to look for my father. And to avenge my mother's death.

When I was 8, my mother moved me from England to the Caribbean so she could search for my father and confront him. She did find him. And on that horrible day that is forever locked into my mind, is when she died. Jack Sparrow had killed my mother.

At first, I was so shocked, I didn't know what to do. I was at a loss. I had lost the one person who could care for me. After shock, I wanted to kill Jack. But that plan was cut short when my father, Captain Barbossa, stopped me.

From there, he took me to the Governor Johnson's house. And though I hated him for leaving me there, he said I would be better taken care of there. And I was.

Years passed and all I thought of was, revenge. I wanted Jack Sparrow's blood.

When I finally escaped the clutch's of the governor, I went straight to Tortuga. I ran into Jack there. Literally. Governor Johnson had sent out his little men to get me, and I was running though the jungles, then suddenly, there Jack and I were, on the ground because I had knocked him over and had tripped myself.

From there, I had tricked him to let me sail with him. I told him that I was after Barbossa, to talk with him. Though the whole time I was planning on his demise.

But, along the way, something happened. All of a sudden, the thought of killing Jack scared me, and hurt me in ways I never thought possible. I shrugged those feelings away.

But just as I brushed them aside, I invited myself to Jack's bed. And there he took me, for the first time in my life, I was loved as a woman should be. And, as he held me in his arms, I didn't want to kill him anymore. All my plans that I had kept in my journal were pointless now. I just wanted what I had with Jack now. That's all. I wanted Jack. I wanted to reunite with my father. And I wanted to start a life with Jack.

Just as all my plans had, that one fell apart just as quickly as it popped into my head. Jack had suddenly grown cold towards me. I didn't know why, and it hurt me. And I hated him.

Once he started to push me from his bed, it wasn't long untill we found Barbossa. There were tears, from me, and Barbossa apologize many times.

Then I turned to Jack. And held my pistol high.

I was going to shoot him. But as I aimed, I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't do it, because no matter how much I disliked him at the moment, I was madly in love with him.

I burst into tears, and ran back into the cabin on Jack's ship. I locked myself in there, seeing what's happened. I fell for a pirate just like my mother had, and I didn't want that. I wanted to go back to the governor's home. After Jack had so causually brushed me aside, I wanted to pick up where I left off.

And apparently, that's what Jack had wanted as well.

I came out of the cabin three days later, and completely exhausted, to see Port Royal. The ship was already docked. There were soliders and a cariege waiting for me.

Jack walked me down there, and I asked him why he was so cold to me during the last moments. He said that he had read my journal.

But, he hadn't read the page where I wrote down my feelings for him. Where I wrote that I would never harm him.

As I hugged him good-bye. And thanked him for everything. I told him that he gave me a miracle. I told him I was with child, and before I could see his reaction, I walked away.

I left him.

He left me.

For nine months while I carried my daughter, I watched for his ship over the horizon. Hoping that he would come back for me. But he never did.

After Alessandra was born, I left Port Royal again. No longer was Governor Johnson in charge, but some Governor Swann who had just recently came to the Caribbean with his young daughter. So, it wasn't difficult for me to leave. No one noticed.

I went to Tortuga, and had the fortune of running into Jack's first mate Billy, who was one of my best friends. He helped me establish my tavern, The Devil's Snake.

And since, I changed my name just slighly to Roxanna. And since I've avoided the eye of Jack. I've lived a wonderful 16 years with my daughter, and without Jack.

Everytime Billy and Jack come to port, Billy always stops to see me. Always.

He asks everytime if I'm doing fine. And if I still feel for Jack.

I just smile and shake my head. Though, deep down, I was trying to put those feelings to rest. To get them out of my system. It's harder than I thought it was going to be.


	2. Prologue Two

Prologue II-

Capt'n Roxanna Grace had worked hard to earn her label as one of the most feared pirates in the Caribbean. Aside from her father, Capt'n Barbossa. Roxanna had gorgeous brown hair, the light adust flush and flowing. But, by far the most captivating feature on Rowena's face was her emerald eyes, each pool deep and brilliant.

As an addition to her beauty, Roxanna's tan was without flaw, the bronze skin rich and healthy, yet shunned by every and any lady who dared acknowledge it. Still, spite everything, Roxanna found it remarkably funny that most of the time, the same lady who disowned her, longed for her perfect figure. The very fact always brought a smirk to her face.

At the current moment, Roxanna and her crew found themselves 'collecting' a large loot from the British ship known as The Jewel, who's crew had been ever so co-operative when they asked them for it.

Roxanna glanced over at the Jewel's entire crew, each man tied around one mast or another, she smirked and shifted her eyes to where her crew was loading the treasure onto her ship.

"Roy, is everything set accordingly?" She called out, her feet rooted to the right side of the helm.

"Yes, Capt'n." Roy replied from his place in front of her, his accent rich and coated with contentment. Roxanna smirked, Roy was extremely Irish, which could be distinguished quite easily by his liting voice. He was known by many as a 'black irishman' because of his black hair and cerulean blue eyes. He stood a total of 5 feet 5 inches tall, which was rather short for a male but his broad shoulders made up for it, not to mention the muscles he harbored on his legs and arms.

"And now, we head for home," Roxanna announced happily, a bright smile on her face. Roy nodded in understanding, "Man the sails!"

The shout raced across the deck and the entire crew snapped to action.

"I'll take the wheel, Roy."

"Yes, Capt'n."

With that settled, Roy went on his way, checking to make sure that everyone was working, and not to mention make full count on how much loot they had taken aboard.

Roxanna pulled out her compass, and glanced down at it, making sure she was on track. The three months she had been out on the ocean had been gnawing at her and she couldn't wait to get home and see her daughter. Alessandra, now a beautiful brown eyed, adust haired sixteen year old girl, was Roxanna's pride and absolute joy. Thoughts of her daughter brought wondering about her tavern, the Devil's Snake, and Roxanna began to wonder if it was still in good condition. With a long sigh, she banished occupational curiosity and focused on the treacherous two weeks she had to endure before she was back in Tortuga.

* * *

"Jack get back here!" John screamed from his sport on the edge of one of the docks that outlined Half Moon Bay.

"Thanks very much for the ship, Johnny! We would've had a hard time getting one ready by ourselves!" Jack replied cockily from the stern of his newly acquired vessel. John glared at him, his pompous and arrogant frame shaking with rage. Frustrated, he let out a round of cusses before marching back toward the land. Jack smirked.

"So, where we off ta?" Billy, his first mate and long time friend, asked.

"Now, home." Jack answered from his spot at the right of the helm, his features calm, "I need a drink."

"We've got-"

"I know, wine and water. That's not good enough, I need something more."

"Oh, so Tortuga?" Billy inversed, a half smile on his knowing face. Jack noticed.

"Why are you smiling?"

"Oh, no reason. I just happen to know who, now, might be living in Tortuga." Billy replied smoothly, his hands working the wooden steering wheel.

"So, why should that spark my interest?" Jack asked, referring to himself with a small hand gesture.

Billy spared Jack a look before deciding against telling him of the fact that his old lady friend was currently housed in Tortuga, "Never mind."

"Good," Jack stated, he feet starting for the captains quarters, "Now, keep an eye out for that Capt'n Rowena, I don't need her getting at anything on this ship." He stopped in mid step, "And inform me if you see John."

"Aye Capt'n."

Jack nodded with appreciation, "I'll be in my room."

Once Jack was below, Billy shook his head. She was a sweet girl, that Roxanne, and he found it funny how she had become one of most feared pirate in the Caribbean. He smirked as a humorous thought billowed into his mind,

_And to think, she still finds time to take care of that child of hers._ Billy recalled the days that Roxanne had been with them, and how each one held something to remember it by. After a long half-hour of those happy yet depressing memories, Billy shoved passed those thoughts and focused on the route to Tortuga.


	3. Chapter 1

"Mama!" Alessandra shouted when she saw her mother climb off of her ship, the Divinity. Her mother had been out on the ocean for three months now, whereas she was left at home to watch over the stupid bar. When Joe did a much better job than she did.

"Ali!" Roxanna shouted when she saw her daughter. She was the image of her father. All dark, soft browns. A figure much like hers' made her look almost perfect. _If only she didn't have her damnable father's eyes!_ "How has my favorite girl been?" Roxanna asked, as she came up on her daughter and wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Well, I have been just peachy, thank you very much. Considering I was left behind. Again." She said, glancing at her mother.

"Ali, we have been through this several, if not hundred, then several thousand times. I don't think you're ready to get out on the ocean. When I decide the time is right, I will gladly take you out, and we will spend as much time going where ever you want. Except England."

"Fine." Ali said, crossing her arms. She was sixteen now, and her mother still treated her like she was a child. She was a woman now. Capable of making her own desicions, right? Of course she was.

Roxanna smiled at her daughter and wrapped an arm around her daughters shoulders.

"So, tell me, how has life been here while I was gone?"

"Excutionately boring. All Joe did was work, and make me work. He wouldn't give me a break on anything Ma. And you know how you let me work them pirates and get them to buy more drinks?" Ali asked, glancing at her mother. Roxanna nodded, then Ali continued, "Well, he wouldn't let me do that. He said that I was too young to be doin' that stuff to men."

Roxanna smiled. It was like Joe to treat her like a daughter. He was a great man, but maybe just a bit too strict for her taste. He knew what Roxanna let her daughter do, and what she wasn't allowed to do. But, Billy, he was perfect with Ali.

If Roxanna hadn't been so completely in love with Jack, she would have fallen head over heals for Billy. Such a sweetheart that man was. Always listening to her, and telling her what she wanted to hear. And to see him with Ali was like seeing a father and daughter together, so strong was their relationship.

"Let us go back then, and we'll discuss when you can come out with me," Roxanna said with a smile and a small sqeeze around Ali's shoulders.

Ali smiled, "Okay, Ma. But it won't be in like, three years will it? It'll be soon?" Ali asked, glancing up at her mother.

Roxanna licked her lips. She, herself, couldn't even wait that long to get back out on the ocean. As much as she loved being home, there was nothing like being on the water. "It won't be that long," She said, still smiling.

Roxanna just wanted to find out where Jack was before she headed out so she didn't run into him.

* * *

Jack sat in the cabin, looking over the ledgers that John had kept. John was a friend that Jack had met while in Half Moon Bay. Though it typically wasn't a pirate friendly place, they all treated Jack like a person, which was good enough for him. 

He heard Billy tromp down the stairs, then walk into the cabin.

"We're just about there, captain," Billy said. He was happy to almost be home. Though he would have to part from Jack long enough to stop by and see Roxanne. She could easily throw a hissy-fit if she found out that he was in town, and hadn't bothered to stop by and say hi, at least.

"'Kay, I'll be up in bit a moment," Jack said, tossing the ledger down. He didn't move from the desk until Billy had left. Everytime they went to Tortuga, Billy disappeared to some where. And he had to know. Maybe it had to do with the person they both knew that lived there.

Suddenly, the thought of Roxanne came to mind. He still loved her. Was madly in love, but he couldn't admit that. Not now that she was gone. And it was unlikely that she was the person that Billy was referring to.

Jack shook his head at himself as he stood and left the cabin. He stepped on the deck, to see Billy already pulling sails down. While Billy worked the sails, Jack moved up to the helm to direct the ship to the far side of the harbor.

"Drop anchor, Billy," Jack shouted over the deck. He saw Billy nod, then moved to the anchor.

Once the anchor was dropped and hooked on the ground, Billy walked up to Jack. He stood to the side and watched as the ship slowed down, and stopped just before the docks.

"Billy, tell me. Who is living here?" Jack asked, not moving to go ashore.

Billy was already down on the lower deck, and making his way to the docks. He stopped and turned around with his hands behind his back, he smiled slightly as he said, "Just a friend of ours."

"Yeah, I got that. Who?" Jack asked, walking down the steps to stand level with Billy.

Billy hesitated some what. He really shouldn't tell Jack that Roxanne was living here, but what harm could it do? Who could possibly be hurt by it. With any luck, Jack wouldn't remember her at all.

"Roxanne is leaving here. Do you remember her?" Billy asked, as he moved the plank so it led down to the docks.

Jack edged around this, "I vaguely remember her. I think she was the one who wanted to kill me, correct?" Jack asked, as he headed down the plank before Billy could.

"Yes, she did. But she didn't, and that's the important thing."

"How did you come about knowing that she was here?" Jack asked, glancing at him. Billy was down on the docks and they were walking side by side into the portside town.

Billy licked his lips. Roxanne made him promise not to tell Jack that she was living here, and owned a very popular tavern.

"I saw her one day when I was here. I was out for a walk, and poof. There she was," Billy said, looking around him.

"Huh," Jack said with a nod. He knew Billy was lying about how he knew that she was here, Jack knew it.

"Well, I think I'm gonna go and find a place to rest. Awful tired after that long trip," Billy said, then took off to the right.

Jack followed him, but stayed a careful distance behind him.


End file.
